


Alone

by InkstainedGwyn



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Songfic, Unrequited Love, a little angsty, because of course, that's then requited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:57:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkstainedGwyn/pseuds/InkstainedGwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little drabble of Yosuke listening to a song and getting angsty about his feelings for Souji, and then finally a confession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "Alone" by Heart. I've always loved the song, and when it came on tonight I had to write a little fic around it. It's really a pretty song, and it fits so well.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](https://ohlookashinysquirrel.tumblr.com) if you want to poke at me.

_ I hear the ticking of the clock _

_ I'm lying here the room's pitch dark _

  


Yosuke looked at the clock; 11pm. It wasn’t even really  _ that _ late; sure they had school the next day, but he was pretty sure no self-respecting teen who wasn’t sick ever went to bed  _ that _ early, not deliberately. 

Except, you know...  _ him. _ Tonight. 

Sighing, he rolled over, resisted the urge to look at his cell, and buried his face in his pillow.  _ Of course there was nothing wrong, _ he’d already used that line with Ted, twice.  _ He was just bored, and a little tired. _ That was the line he’d used with his mom, who wasn’t used to him being in bed before she left for the late shift; she’d side-eyed him, as if wondering if she should fetch the thermometer, but he just gave her what he hoped was a standard-issue Yosuke Shrug™ and a yawn, and it seemed to be enough, because she just told him to lock up and not be late to school the next morning. 

At least Ted had his own bedroom now. After a long summer and one too many nights where they’d gotten into fights because Yosuke wanted to listen to music but Ted wanted to watch movies, or Yosuke needed to sleep but Ted wanted to dance to music - or Yosuke almost failed an exam because he’d been too busy playing video games with Ted - his father had grumbled, and cleaned out the spare room, and Ted was now down the hall. He was probably still watching the new Ghibli DVD that he’d bought with his last paycheck; Yosuke was sincerely glad that he was enjoying it. Just as he was sincerely glad that he was able to lay there, in the dark, listening to music. 

The brunette liked a lot of different genres of music - it was easier to say what kinds he  _ didn’t _ like than what he did, and there really was no rhyme or reason why he liked the songs he did. While not everything he liked had lyrics, if it  _ did, _ he usually found them online, printed them out, and did his best to learn them, even if it meant translating them. He might suck at most subjects, but English... English, he was  _ good  _ at - at least the stuff he learned with his music. Chie called him a freak; he didn’t care. 

A song didn’t have to have meaningful lyrics for him to like it, but sometimes... sometimes a song would  _ click, _ and it would become a banner for whatever he was going through at that time, and he’d listen to it, over and over again. His current song was an oldie, some American rock song from the 70s or 80s... hell, he didn’t know. His parents hadn’t even been  _ dating _ then. But he loved the song. After all, music was universal, and timeless, or some crap like that. And it said everything he felt, and better than  _ he _ could, as evidenced by the fact that he was laying in bed at 11pm on a Friday night trying not to look at his cell phone that wasn’t blinking because there were no new messages.

  


_ I wonder where you are tonight _

_ no answer on the telephone _

  


It was Friday, so why wasn’t he out? Hell, he had friends, actual  _ friends. _ A best friend, even. He and Souji loved to hang out, right? They’d go get Aiya’s, or they’d do karaoke, or play video games, or... 

Or they would, when Souji wasn’t busy. It wasn’t that Yosuke  _ begrudged _ him his time with other friends - he knew the guy was popular, and the fact that Yosuke got, like... eighty percent of his non-sleep time meant the world to the brunette.

Still. It didn’t mean he didn’t want more of it, as selfish as it was. He  _ knew _ it was selfish, and he kept it as much to himself as he could. He’d ask if Souji wanted to do something, and if Souji didn’t have time - or he had prior plans - the brunette would just smile and joke and say  _ of course it’s fine let’s just do something later, _ and the silver-haired boy would smile in relief (it made Yosuke feel guilty as hell that he was glad that Souji was worried about upsetting him, but it didn’t change the fact that he  _ was _ glad). And then Yosuke would go home and get into a fight with Ted or lose himself in video games... or he’d curl up in bed and listen to old classic rock songs about unrequited love.

Souji was out tonight with Yukiko.

While it wasn’t like Yosuke  _ expected _ a text or anything while he was busy with other folks, it wasn’t like Souji minded texting other people when he and Yosuke were hanging out, right? Of course, it wasn’t like Yosuke had texted  _ him _ or anything - the brunette wasn’t going to be a dick, and maybe interrupt something, or maybe he was just terrified of knowing that there had been something to interrupt. But a single message would have been nice. Just a comment about the weather, or something funny, or really anything to show that his best friend wasn't currently making out with the hardest-to-get girl at Yasogami High.

Yosuke wanted to say that he knew that there was nothing there between the two. Certainly, Souji had never  _ said _ anything about liking Yukiko. But Souji also was very quiet about how he felt about _ most _ people, and it was no secret that pretty much every girl in Inaba was in love with Souji, so... if it was up to Yukiko, there  _ would _ be something between the two. Not that Yosuke blamed her. And she was  _ his _ friend, too, and she’d always been kind to him.

That didn’t make him feel any better; in fact, it just made him feel guilty.

He’d wanted to ask Souji what the plans were, but he was terrified of the answer; for somebody who had no problems talking about girls and how to get them and how to get with them, he would rather die than hear Souji say anything of the sort...

...because it was a defense mechanism for Yosuke. Souji, however, was always honest about his feelings. If he started talking about Yukiko like that... or  _ any _ girl, to be quite honest... it would mean he was serious, and that would mean... 

_ Okay. Different subject. _ Yosuke wasn’t ready to think about something like that, not even with the song he currently had on repeat. 

  


_ and the night goes by so very slow _

_ oh I hope that it won't end though...alone _

  


Alone.  _ Hah. Hahahahahahah. _ As if he was alone right now by choice. He’d  _ wanted _ to hang out with Souji. He’d had it all planned out - ramen or skewers, then maybe hanging out on the floodplain, since they hadn’t really had a good chat in a week or two, then back to Souji’s place to hang out with Nanako, or his place to play a new video game he’d gotten. Typical Friday stuff. Nothing special, nothing at all. 

There was no reason for it to have been such a letdown when it fell through. He'd mentioned it after school, just brought it up, casually, as he usually did-

_ “Hey, partner! Let’s hang out tonight, I was thinking Aiya’s, and then we haven’t really had time to talk in a while, so we could head down to the river, and then-” _

He’d been so excited and so busy laying out his plans (something that happened when he was nervous, not that he was nervous  _ then, _ of course) that he hadn’t seen his friend freeze, or the look on Souji’s face.

_ “Oh. Yosuke... I’m sorry, I told Yukiko I’d hang out tonight.”  _ Souji had frowned, and Yosuke had hidden the sharp pain  - really there was no reason  _ why _ it should sting - and he’d smiled and slapped the taller boy on the shoulder.

_ “Sure, dude, it’s no problem. We’ll do something later, maybe this weekend.” _ He’d managed to bite back the follow-up  _ if you still have time for me, that is; _ holding that in was probably the only good moment of the rest of his day. It was worth being proud of, at least. He might be a selfish dick, but at least it was something he was trying to keep a handle on.

  


_ till now I always got by on my own _

_ I never really cared until I met you _

_ and now it chills me to the bone _

  


It was true. Until Souji had come into their lives, Yosuke had only been casual friends with Chie; Yukiko barely knew his name, and like hell if he would ever have spent time with Kanji, (or an idol like Rise, but that was a separate issue). Teddie wasn’t even a blip on their radar, and while sometimes Yosuke pretended that he missed  _ those _ days, he knew he was lying.

But then the mysterious transfer student had walked into Yasogami High, room 2-2, and nothing would ever be the same again for any of them. Hell, by the end of the week Yosuke already trusted him more than he’d  _ ever _ trusted his friends from the city; having someone face the worst part of you and walk out with a smile and a handshake and a follow-up  _ “we should hang out some time” _  was like a crash course in trust and friendship, and _ of course _ Souji had passed with flying colours. 

It was scary, caring so much for somebody else. He’d never let his old friends in like that; to let them in, he’d have to trust them. Trust that they wouldn’t hurt him, or that if they did, it wouldn’t be deliberate, or there’d be a reason, and they’d be able to work it out. Needless to say, he _hadn't_ trusted them. 

But he  _ trusted _ Souji. He believed in him. Souji had been there every step of the way, had listened to every stupid worry Yosuke had been willing to share, had stood up for him when everyone else was being an ass... it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that they’d become best friends.

  


_ how do I get you alone _

_ you don't know how long I have wanted _

_ to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh _

  


Except...  _ best friends _ wasn’t what Yosuke wanted. 

Oh, he still wanted to be best friends; he was a selfish dick, hadn’t he mentioned that already? He just wanted  _ everything else, _ too. 

He wanted to be the person Souji whispered “sleep well” to over the phone every night. He wanted to be the person Souji thought about whenever his eyes flickered open in the morning. He wanted to hold Souji’s hand and kiss Souji’s lips; when they were watching movies together, he wanted to snuggle up to Souji’s side and put his head on the silver-haired boy's shoulder. When they were studying, or just hanging out and reading manga and magazines (or books, in Souji’s case), he wanted to be able to sit there with Souji’s head in his lap, stroking the soft silver hair as they whiled away sleepy afternoons. He wanted to walk down the street, hand-in-hand, after seeing a movie together and maybe sharing a shaved ice, laughing at each other because they both had green or orange tongues, and then share a sweet, fruit-flavoured kiss. 

He also wanted to pin Souji against the wall and explore every inch of his body, but that was a dangerous thought, especially for 11pm (12am, now?  _ Shit, how the hell is tonight going so slowly?) _

The point was, he was  _ in love _ with Souji Seta, his best friend, and Souji had no idea, and while Yosuke had no right to be jealous when Souji went out with other people - especially girls who had crushes on him, too, like Yukiko - it didn’t stop him from  _ being _ jealous. He kept it inside, sure... but the flip side was that he then spent the rest of the night (or weekend, or month, or whatever) lying in bed, in the dark, listening to stupid songs about unrequited love.

  


_ you don't know how long I have waited _

_ and I was going to tell you tonight _

  


He’d been in love with Souji since the beginning, really; it was probably love at first sight, though it had been hampered by the fact that Yosuke was an idiot (who’d never thought about guys like that), and by the fact that he’d thought he was in love with Saki-senpai  _ (sorry, senpai, _ whispered a corner of his mind). And then Saki had been killed, and that complicated  _ everything _ \- in a normal world, he would have found himself thinking about Souji instead of Saki, and then there would have been some freak-outs and sleepless nights, and then he would have moved on. As it was, at least fifty percent of his guilt over Saki was due to the fact that he'd been ready to move on a long, long time before he felt like he was allowed to; that was something else Souji had helped him come to terms with, even if it hadn’t been a conscious action on the silver-haired boy’s part. He’d just...  _ been there _ for Yosuke, and listened, and talked to him, and one day Yosuke just realised... his life wasn’t whole unless Souji was there, and neither was his heart.

And that was that - and  _ that _ was the kicker. He’d actually planned on confessing to Souji tonight. Maybe at the river, maybe at Souji’s house, or his house, or when they were watching a movie, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted Souji,  _ needed _ Souji too much not to try, and he trusted his best friend enough to have  _ finally _ gotten over the fear of losing that friendship, knowing that if Souji didn’t feel the same way, he wouldn’t abandon Yosuke. 

  


_ but the secret is still my own _

_ and my love for you is still unknown...alone _

  


But Souji was off with Yukiko. And they hadn’t made plans for the rest of the weekend, so really, while Yosuke knew he’d see Souji at school the next day, and the brunette would just smile and joke and pretend that he’d gotten a good night’s sleep and that he didn’t have an old 80’s song stuck in his head and his heart, there was no guarantee that Souji wasn’t already booked with Chie, or Kanji, or Rise, or Yukiko again, or maybe even Nanako and Dojima - family was just as important, too. That was one thing Yosuke could never fault him for.

Hell, Yosuke didn’t even know if it would be  _ fair _ to tell Souji, not now, not with the specter of ‘does he or doesn’t he’ with Yukiko, not with the jealousy he felt towards everybody else. He’d flub it, say it wrong, somehow end up turning it into a passive-aggressive accusation, and Souji didn’t deserve that. He was the kindest, most thoughtful, most generous  _ (hottest, most attractive, best looking) _ person Yosuke knew, and he wasn’t going to dump  _ his _ problems onto Souji’s shoulders just because he didn’t know how to handle his own emotions. 

He’d just rolled back over, steadfastly ignoring his phone, and clamped his eyes shut - determined to just go ahead and  _ get to sleep already _ \- when something tapped at his window. He ignored it at first; there was a tree outside his bedroom, and the branches were close enough that they’d scrape the glass whenever the wind was the slightest bit stronger than a ‘gentle breeze’.

But then the sound came again, and it wasn’t branches, it was fingers, and Yosuke shot up in bed; only  _ one  _ other person knew that somebody nimble enough could climb the aforementioned tree and, stepping just right on the stonework above the drainpipes, get to Yosuke’s window. Hell, he’d  _ found _ it with Souji, as they prowled around one afternoon trying to figure out easier ways to get to and from Junes without worrying his folks. His eyes went to the window; sure enough, Souji was hanging half onto the branch, and half onto the side of the building. When their eyes met he pointed at the window, and while he wasn’t in any danger of falling Yosuke still hurried over to let him in, not wanting to leave his friend waiting. 

“Hey.” The silver-haired boy scrambled inside, although he didn’t actually come into Yosuke’s room; he sat down on the windowsill, for whatever reason, looking a little uncertain. There was a late-summer breeze, and it ruffled his hair; the moon wasn’t full, but it was bright enough to cast shadows, and of  _ course _ it made Souji’s hair look like actual spun silver, and just... the whole thing was like a picture, or a 12am dream, and Yosuke really wasn’t sure he hadn’t fallen asleep, but the fact remained that even if he had, Souji was sitting at his open window, and he wasn’t with Yukiko. 

_ Or maybe he just came to tell me what happened. _

The thought made Yosuke’s stomach twist. 

  


_ how do I get you alone... how do I get you alone _

  


Just then the chorus came on, strangely appropriate for the moment, and the words echoed between them as Yosuke stood a few feet away from the window. Silver eyes met amber and Souji seemed to notice the song at the same moment; though his expression was one of surprise, he smiled a little. He still looked hesitant, but he glanced around, took a deep breath, and finished climbing in, shutting the window behind him. 

Yosuke's brain was spinning into overdrive. _ You wanted to tell him, so just  _ do _ it, you don’t have any excuses.  _

When Souji turned back to Yosuke, the brunette had clenched his fists; he opened his mouth to  _ finally say something _ only to have his friend speak at the same time.

“Partner, I need to tell you-”

“Yosuke, I wanted to talk to you-”

They stopped, and Yosuke bit back a whine of frustration; of  _ course _ Souji had come to talk to him about something. He hadn’t just appeared, conjured by the brunette’s desperate loneliness. Hiding the bitter thought, he gave a small smile, trying to make it as genuine as he could.

“Hey, sure, go ahead. What’s up? How’s Yukiko?”

Having started to take a breath at Yosuke’s first sentence, the mention of Yukiko made Souji blink, looking confused. “She’s uh... fine? They had a party at the inn tonight, and the chef finally let her make some of the side dishes, so she wanted me to try them, and then I stuck around to help out.” He looked thoughtful. “She’s actually getting a little better.”

“Ah.” Ok, so it didn’t  _ sound _ like he’d spent the night making out with Yukiko, but then... this  _ was _ Souji, and Souji didn’t seem like the kind of guy to kiss and tell, and-

“But.” Souji was still speaking, and Yosuke’s attention snapped back only to find the silver-haired boy biting his lip, and  _ oh god that was not fair. _ He looked nervous, taking another breath. “You looked... excited today, when you asked me to hang out, and... I felt really bad about saying no. Especially since it seemed like you wanted to talk to me about something.”

_ Jeeze partner how the hell do you pick up on things like that? _ Hell,  _ Yosuke _ hadn’t even been sure he’d wanted to bring anything up, but... well. Here was his chance. 

And he was terrified.

In the silence, the song ended, and then it started again, and  _ oh god fuck it all I’m going to do it. _

“I  _ like  _ you.” The words came spilling out; they were breathless and rushed, as if he  _ had _ to say them quickly or he’d lose his nerve, and he knew that his nails were leaving crescent marks in the ball of his thumb but he didn’t care, he just wanted an answer,  _ any _ answer. And then Souji’s eyes were widening in shock, and Yosuke felt his world ending, but then somehow, miraculously, the shock morphed into a thousand-watt smile that eclipsed the moonlight as brilliantly as daylight, and Souji closed the gap between them, their gazes locked together.

_ "Yosuke." _

The sound of his name, low and trembling, in a tone he’d never heard and always dreamed about made the brunette’s eyes widen, and then Souji was  _ there, _ in front of him, so close that they could touch if they wanted to, and  _ oh god _ did Yosuke want to. He put a hand on Souji’s chest and suddenly he was in Souji’s arms and Souji’s lips were against his and they were  _ kissing _ and maybe it was a 12am dream, but Yosuke didn’t care. Moving his hand up from Souji’s chest, he wrapped his arms around the silver-haired boy’s neck, and that meant Souji could pull him closer, and it was Yosuke’s first kiss and he didn’t even know if he was doing anything right, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t, and Souji seemed just as unsure, but for every missed angle and for each time they awkwardly caught the corners of each other’s mouths, there was a breathless moment where they fit together perfectly. Finally Yosuke realised that he had to breathe, no matter how nice the idea of passing out in Souji’s arms was, so he pulled back just a little, panting, and Souji was dishevelled and flushed and smiling and the brunette was certain by now that this _was_ a 12am dream.

“If I’d known  _ that’s _ what you wanted to tell me, I would have come by sooner. I’m sorry I made you wait, Yosuke.” Souji brushed the brunette’s bangs out of his eyes, then leaned over to press their foreheads together, and Yosuke was pretty sure that his heart was about to just give out then and there, but  _ by god _ he was going to die happily in this dream; reaching out, he wrapped his arms around Souji’s waist. 

“Does that mean you feel the same way?”

“Heh.” The silver-haired boy laughed quietly, and Yosuke could feel the puff of air against his lips, and since this was a dream there was no reason not to lean in and kiss Souji again, and Souji ran a hand into his hair and tightened his fingers, pulling the brunette against him, and it was  _ amazing. _ And this time, when they pulled back, Souji followed it up with a soft kiss to each of Yosuke’s eyelids, then his nose, his earlobe, and his jaw. 

“I’ve been in love with you since the beginning. If not the first day, definitely since we met your shadow.”

“My  _ shadow? _ ” For a second, Yosuke’s surety that this was a dream wavered.  _ Would I really think up something like this? _

“Mhm.” Souji sighed, resting his chin on Yosuke’s shoulder as he tightened his arms. “Seeing you stand up to it and accept it even after everything you’d already been through... I don’t know if I could ever be that brave. I love everything about you, but your passion and drive to do what’s right are up there at the top.”

Feeling dazed, Yosuke held onto the back of Souji’s shirt, resting his head against his shoulder. “I... kinda feel like you’re totally mistaking me for someone else but right now... I’m too happy to try to fix the mistake. I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I never thought I was going to tell you, and-”

His words were met by a low chuckle. “Hence the song? Funnily enough, I was listening to it the other night - it was in the zip file you gave me, you know, back when you shared your music with me. It made me think of you, and I guess I know why, now.”

Yosuke flushed, burying his face against Souji’s shoulder. “Shut up, okay? It’s just... how I handle things.”

“I know, Yosuke. And I totally get it. It’s a very  _ you  _ thing to do, and I mean that in the best way.”

The brunette flushed again, and was about to say something when the clock downstairs struck 1am; with a sigh, Souji tightened his arms around Yosuke, burying his face in his hair. 

“I don’t want to go, but I have to. I never got uncle’s permission to spend the night anywhere and I don’t want him to send out a search party.”

“Yeah.” Yosuke really  _ didn’t _ want to let go, but even in a dream he wasn’t going to challenge Dojima-san. Giving Souji one last, tight squeeze, he stepped back. “Mom and dad are working, you know, if you want to use the front door. If we’re quiet, you shouldn’t bother Ted, either.”

“Okay. I really don’t want to risk falling out of the tree, that’s for sure.” With another sigh, and one last hug, Souji stepped back; he smiled a little at Yosuke, and the brunette knew he should lead Souji out, but he couldn’t help giving him one last kiss, and that turned into another breathless embrace, and finally Souji pulled away with a wry smile. 

“I’m sorry, Yosuke, but-”

“-I know.” Yosuke took the taller boy’s hand, and with a squeeze that said more, quietly led Souji downstairs to the front door. They kissed once more, with Souji standing outside on the steps, and then the silver-haired boy pulled back resolutely, giving Yosuke a look that said the same thing as the brunette’s earlier hand-squeeze. Then he was gone, and Yosuke was left to stare dazedly into the darkness, praying that he wouldn’t forget this dream when he finally  _ did _ wake up.

* * *

The next morning, Yosuke found himself waking up at the first alarm; something in the back of his mind had him feeling excited and nervous, and as he looked at the window he remembered his dream. It had felt so  _ real _ \- but then, he’d had ‘real dreams’ before, and even if this one was the most convincing yet, it was still just that, a dream. It was sad, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop the soft, warm feeling he got from thinking about how it might feel to hold Souji, to kiss him, to have him say “I love you, too.” 

Rubbing his eyes, the brunette was about to climb out of bed when he realized that the light on his phone was blinking. Picking it up, he flipped it open; his breath caught in his throat when he saw that he had two texts, both from Souji - one from 1:23am, and one from less than 15 minutes ago.

> 1:23am:  _ Got home 10m before uncle. Still glad I came over. Hope you are, too. I really do love you. _

> 7:05am:  _ Morning, partner. See you soon? Uncle said he won’t be home tonight. Come over after class? It’ll give us time to talk... alone. <3 _


End file.
